Last month, I lost a friend I’d known since high school. Back then, a small group of us would spend hours at the arcade (back when that was still a thing), catch movies, and do all the usual teenage stuff together.

Now one of those old friends wants “to talk,” and I find myself missing his calls and avoiding him. I feel conflicted. He was a good friend, and I’m sure he wants the details—what really happened.

I asked Christi about it, and she said simply, “You’re not ready to talk.” She suggested telling him I’ll talk, but not about our friend. That advice eased something in me; my body relaxed, and I could actually picture myself doing it.

Then a random, almost childish thought popped up: “He doesn’t get to know all the details. Where the hell was he all these years?”

I keep wondering… was that it? Were my feelings just hurt? Maybe they were. I always tried to keep in touch, calling on birthdays, trying to resurrect dying friendships while others let them fade. Maybe I’m angry at this guy who used to be so close and now just wants a casual update on what “really happened.” Or maybe I’m angry at myself for not having a deeper relationship with the friend who just passed.

There was so much left unsaid between us. One of my exes once joked, “You guys probably have a ton of secrets between you!” The truth is, we didn’t. We never really poured our hearts out. We spoke in circles and analogies, skating around facts and anything that would be “emotional.”

Maybe I’m just pissed because, in the end, I don’t know the real story either—and now I never will. That silence feels heavier than I expected. Perhaps this avoidance isn’t only about protecting my peace from the living friend; it’s also about sitting with the unfinished business I have with the one who’s gone.

Grief and regret have a way of showing up together, dressed in the same old anger.

For now, I’m letting myself feel it without forcing a conversation I’m not ready for. Some stories stay half-told, and maybe that’s okay.

Live Long and Prosper ,🖖

-Dan

Today is my birthday. It was also my dad’s birthday—the day I was born on his. I always hoped of keeping that sweet tradition alive: a chain of shared birthdays stretching down the generations. Life had other plans.

My daughters both arrived in September. No overlap. My nephew was due right around our day but came a week and change late. Close, but no. Then, years later, my grandson Forrest was born the day after my birthday. One day off. I’ll take it. It feels like the universe gave me a gentle nod.

I still smile remembering those shared birthday parties. They began with balloons, piñatas, and sugar-high kids running wild. By evening the children were sprawled out, exhausted, while the adults kept going—music, stories, laughter—long into the night. Those nights hold some of my happiest memories.

Twelve years ago I wrote a piece called “Things I Would Tell My Younger Self” and promised an update in ten. I’m two years late. A lot of life happened in those twelve years.

So here, on my birthday, this older version of me has a few quieter, more hard-won words for the younger one:

Cherish every single moment with friends and family. Some of the people you love most deeply will leave sooner than you expect. Don’t let a single day slip by without holding them close.

Set boundaries. They might save you from heartbreak; they might not. But staying too involved can turn a difficult situation into something unbearable.

You’ve already come so far. Please, please stop caring so much what other people think. The things that mortify you today will make you laugh out loud in ten years.

You built high walls around who you let in. Boundaries are healthy, but you stacked so many conditions that almost no one could get through. Ease up a little.

Trust your gut even more fiercely. One day you’ll look back and realize how often it was right—and maybe you’ll even start calling yourself “intuitive” without blushing.

I know you almost gave up on finding the “right person.” Chin up. She’s coming. Someone who will love you completely, exactly as you are—no edits, no pretense.

And one last thing: you used to imagine you’d one day become a wise old man, all gravitas and solemnity. Spoiler—you won’t. You still crack up like a twelve-year-old at fart jokes and TikToks of people wiping out. That part of you isn’t going anywhere. And honestly? I’m okay with that. Maybe more than okay. It keeps the heart young.

Happy birthday, kid. We made it this far together. Here’s to more years, more laughter, and maybe—just maybe—a little more grace.

Live Long and Prosper,

— Danny

(from a blog post from 2014)

I’ve just had a “milestone” birthday, and that’s caused me to reflect back on my life. I don’t regret much…because it’s brought me to this point-a point where I’m generally happy with my life so far.

Things I would tell my kid self:

• I know your brother breaks your stuff and he is able to get away with things you wouldn’t…let it go. One day you will both look back on all that and laugh.

• Stick with something and finish! Whether it’s piano, guitar, or karate. One day you will wish you had leaned one of those skills.

• Oh, and give your mom a break-she is smothering, but she loves you.

What I would tell my teenage self:

• Don’t worry about people liking you. Be yourself. You’re pretty awesome.

• Those girls that you were afraid to talk to? They like you too. They told me.

• For God’s sake, do something about that hair!

What I would tell my 20’s self:

• Figure out what you like to do. Don’t take college classes just for the heck of it. Most of those classes you’re taking and stressing about won’t be of any use to you later.

• Don’t worry about finding the perfect girl you are going to bring home to mom. She’s going to hate her anyway.

• Don’t co-sign a loan for a friend, dummy.

• That job that you stress out about…does it really make you happy? Can you see yourself doing that for the rest of your life?

• Seriously, that hair…do something.

What I would say to my 30’s self:

• Insure your shit.

• Don’t lose your focus.

• Call your dad more.

• By the way, your mother is still going to hate whomever you bring home this time.

• At least you have hair.

What I would say to my 40’s self:

• Hey, you deserve to be happy. Stop trying to please others that don’t appreciate you and what makes you special. You are making yourself miserable.

• Stop being so scared of taking business risks. Do your thing exactly the way you envisioned it. Why wait around?

• It wouldn’t kill you to get on a treadmill every now and then, either.

Im sure that in ten years I’ll have another list for myself. Hopefully telling me that I’m still a pretty awesome sexy guy with great hair and his stuff together.

However, you never know…I could still go off the deep end. Stay Tuned.

I wrote this on the plane as we head to Tokyo. I thought it would be fitting to make it a Haiku for obvious reasons. I found itas I was going through my old social media posts.

My friend Todd Gibson encouraged me to post this kind of raw stuff after reading his material. Give him a look.

Today I lost a friend of 48 years. Javier and I met when we were both 14 years old, attending high school in Miami.

I guess we clicked because we were nerdy in the same way. We were each other’s support through rough spots.

I liked hanging out with him because he was hilarious. I used to encourage us to go on double dates because I knew my date would have a great time.

Sometimes it was exasperating to be his friend; he always had to be pushed to do things. And sometimes he would get on my nerves like a brother would.

When either of us was in crisis, the other would suggest a “drinky-vous.”

Through the years, that was a lot of drinks. We got each other through breakups, divorces, family crises, and more. We would celebrate special occasions with dinners out at different places.

One time, after I had left Miami for chiropractic school, his brother Ary called me and asked if he could send him up to Georgia to see me. He had had a fairly nasty breakup and “needed a change of scenery.”

I said, “Sure, tell him to come up!”

He didn’t have much to do, so he hung out with me and my new friends at Life University and eventually decided he was going to become a chiropractor too.

We had a bunch of adventures together. Some were just wild. Maybe I will share some when I am feeling less numb from the news.

As he aged, he became somewhat of a grump. It was harder to convince him to do anything.

I also realize now that in all those years we probably never complimented each other on anything.

So here goes:

There!

See you on the other side, dude!

I had been wanting to try out a flotation tank. Those tanks where you are in isolation for an hour to an hour and a half. The first time I heard about this was way back in the 80’s with the movie “Altered States”.

Now some 30+ years later, a flotation center opened in my city. A friend of mine decided that she was going to surprise me with a session.

The center was located in a very nice building close to the offices of a hoity-toity plastic surgery center.

The attendant showed us the facility and explained everything. He asked if I was claustrophobic. The big macho guy that lives in me said no way, so the attendant led me to my room.

He instructed me to undress, shower and get in the flotation capsule when I was ready. He made sure I understood the procedure and left.

I got in the tank and found the water was neither warm nor hot, I’m supposing it was perfectly tuned at 98.6 or somewhere in that vicinity.

Flotation in a soundproof capsule with enough salt to make you buoyant. Once you start floating, it’s like you’re in the Dead Sea or the Great Salt Lake. You don’t sink.

I got in the pod and closed the door.

Now I started to relax. I never thought that I was claustrophobic or anything, but I noticed myself getting edgy and nervous about the pod being closed up.

As I floated close to the door of the pod, I felt my breath.

I started wondering “what if this thing is airtight?” “What if there is no oxygen in here and they find a pruned up, salty corpse in here?” Not because I drowned but because I ran out of oxygen and suffocated in this airtight coffin.

I got more and more uncomfortable until I decided I must open the door- I would still lay in the flotation tank, but I would be able to breathe.

Since it was so dark, it was difficult to find somewhere to hold on so I didn’t slip while opening the door. While executing my escape, my wet salty hand touched my eyes and they started stinging from all the salt.

They were stinging bad. “What if the salt they used had something else that was toxic to my eyes?”

Oh no! Now I have to leave the pod to wipe my eyes and face! I don’t want to go blind!”

After several clumsy attempts, I was out I wiped my face and eyes and went back in-WITH THE DOOR OPEN.

I tried relaxing, but realized the room was colder than my pod and I was not as comfortable as I should be in order to be able to relax.

I CLOSED THE DOOR AGAIN.

“Ok.-you can do this! Relax.”

As I started to relax, I noticed one thing….pain.

Pain in my neck, pain in my shoulders. I realized I was holding tension there and I should let go of those places if I wanted the pain to go away.

I kept trying, -a little let go but the pain was getting worse.

This is when I became aware of all the stress and tension I was holding on to.

Around this time I start hearing my body.

I can hear my heart. I can almost hear the blood flowing through me and I notice I can hear my joints moving. It’s a weird feeling, since it feels like my even my muscles make noise as they work.

I realize that there is a low-grade buzzing and determine it is somehow related to my stressed mental state.

I have done meditiations where as you relax, you try to be in a state of feeling intense love and radiating love and so on.

I felt that if I did that, maybe I would relax a bit and hurt a bit less. So I got into my mental state: I radiated love, I accepted love, I was love.

The buzzing changed. I got louder and throatier-like a jet engine before landing.

“was that what the yogis are talking about when they talk about the “om”?

But this sound was nothing like any “om” I’d heard. It was louder and much deeper.

As I played around with these discoveries I finally stopped hurting and was able to relax.

And I really did relax….into a dream. I guess I fell asleep. And I what seemed like 5 minutes, the chime telling me my time was up started playing.

Will I do it again? Definitely.

I think next time I will be more prepared and know what to expect

Live long and prosper

-Dan

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I think about rainy days from my childhood in Panama more than I expect to.They come back without warning.

Not as a story.

More like a feeling that settles in my chest.

The rain there wasn’t dramatic.

It didn’t announce itself.

It just arrived.

Warm.

Heavy.

Steady.

Everyone knew what to do when it started.

Life didn’t stop — it simply slowed down and rearranged itself.

As a kid, rainy days felt different.

The air changed.

The sound filled everything.

Rain on roofs.

Rain on leaves.

Rain in the distance.

There was nowhere to rush to.

Nothing to fix.

Nothing to optimize.

You stayed inside a little longer.

You watched.

You listened.

I don’t remember specific events from those days.

I remember the atmosphere.

The sense that time had loosened its grip.

That the day didn’t need to prove anything.

Even now, rain does that to me.

It pulls me inward.

Not in a sad way.

In a quiet way.

Like the world has turned the volume down just enough for me to hear myself again.

Adult life feels like constant forward motion.

Plans.

Progress.

Next steps.

Rain interrupts that.

It reminds me of a version of myself that wasn’t trying to get anywhere.

A kid who didn’t need a reason for the day beyond being in it.

When those memories surface, they don’t ask for analysis.

They just want space.

So I let them pass through.

Like rain always does.

No lesson.

No conclusion.

Just a moment of remembering

before everything starts moving again.

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One day while sitting around talking to some friends they started talking about this Korean Spa in Atlanta and what a wonderful and strange experience it was. They said I definitely HAD to go and I would enjoy it.

Always looking for new experiences that may be able to help my clients, I made a mental note to visit that place the next time I was in the area.

Soon after, I had continuing education classes in Atlanta and I made a point to leave extra early so I could fit my spa experience into my schedule.

I arrived fairly early...a little after 9 AM. I Walked in, the friendly front desk attendant gave me a locker key, and a little outfit of terrycloth shorts and a T-shirt that could have been mistaken for some sort of a prison uniform.

I was surprised because there were some people sleeping on the floor! Apparently, people come in at all times (open 24-7) and then they can sleep on the heated tile floor.

I walked in got into the outfit and went into the co-ed section: A large open area with several little tile huts...these are the different saunas. Each one has different minerals embedded into the walls, giving them different properties.

the saunas

I went into one of the saunas and it wasn’t really all that hot-but I laid down on one of the mats. All of a sudden, I got really sleepy and probably would have dozed off if it wasn’t for some people coming inside the sauna.

I left that sauna and tried some of the other ones. Milled around the co-ed areas for a while and then I decided I wanted to go into the “wet” areas where they have the hot tubs, and steam saunas.

Now, the spa makes a big deal about how you have to be nude to enter the wet area. The only towel you can take in is one the size of a washcloth...and that’s not going to cover much.

Now, I’ve been in many locker rooms in my life-I don’t think I have a problem with nudity other than the occasional old man that decides to start a conversation in his birthday suit. I suppose the older you are the less you care about modesty. However, it’s hard to carry on a conversation when an old dude’s privates are losing the battle against gravity in your direct field of vision.

Here in the spa you had to be naked! Everyone was naked!

It’s tough to walk around like you don’t mind being naked like that. Trying to look past people...( no eye contact, guys!) After a while the awkwardness seemed to diminish a bit...and I could try to do the different pools of warm, hot and cold.

There were a few Korean guys that were very serious about the different pools. They were very intense, I had no desire to go into the ice cold pool, so I just relaxed in the hot pool while i observed these rituals.

The wet areas

There was a far-infrared area that I wanted to try out, but there were just too many people and after noticing that everyone was sitting on the bare surfaces with their bare surfaces, I decided not to try.

My friends had recommended that I get a massage and a detox scrub, because after doing the numbers, it was the “best deal!” That’s what I told the attendant I wanted. He gave me a blank stare and since I don’t speak Korean, I had to point to a menu of services to order my detox scrub package.

I don’t know why I expected to be taken to a private room, but he motioned for me to lay on a vinyl table behind a small divider. Here I was naked, face down and exposed to virtually everyone.

I don’t know if it was the awkwardness of the situation, but I didn’t enjoy the massage...I was hoping it would end quickly. There was nothing relaxing or therapeutic to it. Fluorescent lights, no music, just the sounds of conversations echoing on tile floor and my skin sticking and unsticking to the vinyl table.

Now it was time for my scrub! This is what I had been looking forward to for a while! He started scrubbing my skin...I couldn’t believe how rough he was doing it, It was....painful. Very painful. So painful that I didn’t have time to feel weird about me lying naked there. I wasn’t sure what he was using but I’m pretty sure it was a Brillo pad.

So this guy is going to town on my skin like he is cleaning a dirty wok. Surely he will be more delicate when he gets to the “sensitive” areas (underarms, inside of thighs) Nope. Not at all. He stops periodically to wash the dead skin off of me- it feels chunky. And he has worked the outer layer down to where plain water stings. A bit too much, I would say.

After he was done, I was dazed and I couldn’t believe what had happened. My skin was still sensitive to a shower I took before getting dressed. I was a little dazed but I had to make myself move because it was getting dangerously close to class time.

I expected to not feel good after all of this-but the truth is, I felt very energized and after a while my mind felt razor-sharp. I touched my skin and it was super soft. My elbows, which are normally smooth as alligator hide felt soft.

I may do the body scrub again, at least it won’t catch me off guard now. Overall, the Spa was a good experience.

Final Score:

Dan=0 Korean Spa=1

I was never “The Christmas Guy”.

Oh sure, when I was a kid and believed in Santa Claus I loved it! Even when I found my mom’s hiding place for our Santa presents in her closet, I was still a big fan. As I crept into adulthood, it seemed more of a chore.

I did however appreciate the fact that everyone was less of an asshole around Christmastime.

When my kids were born, then Christmas took on a different meaning. It was all for them. Their mother was a HUGE FAN of Xmas and did everything to make the girls’ holiday a magical experience.

Kim made sure we weren’t social outcasts. She made plans with friends, acquaintances, and all I basically had to do was show up and make sure I made it through the occasion with a smile on my face.

Then we divorced.

Christmas became a logistical nightmare with dueling Xmas celebrations. I’m pretty sure it was hard on the girls, so we decided to be adults and have a joint celebration.

No matter what was going on, we were going to be grownups and have a merry Christmas, dammit!

That worked relatively well. Even when she remarried, I was still invited to Xmas. I thought the new husband was ok with it (he wasn’t)-but we all pretended everything was ok and celebrated the day.

Then she got sick. Her last Christmas she couldn’t even sit at the dinner table. But we still managed. I don’t think the girls thought that would be her last Christmas. I was probably not as optimistic.

After she passed, the responsibility for keeping the Christmas tradition fell to me by default. So the next few Christmases we celebrated at their grandmas house. (Kim’s mom) and that was our “new normal.”

This year grandma informed us that due to her health, she wasn’t having a celebration and couldn’t participate. She would have presents for the girls, but not to expect much, because she couldn’t.

I assumed that eventually the girls would have their own families and we wouldn’t spend every Christmas together, but not yet.

I called Chloe to see what dates she wanted to come down for Christmas and she seemed a little bit less than enthusiastic. But I got the plane tickets.

Audrey then asked if we were having a Christmas Eve (nochebuena) celebration, or Christmas Day one, because she was going to spend it with a friend.

I didn’t realize all of this hurt my feelings until I was telling my girlfriend about it and felt a wave of disappointment and sadness come over me and ended up in tears.

I realized I DO love Christmas! I love the family aspect of it. I love that people are nicer this time of year, I love the vibe in the air. All of it.

I sincerely wish everyone reading this a Merry Christmas!

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It’s not like I feel a sense of angst or anguish when they aren’t here. They are both adults -one is 21 and the other is 24. I’ve gotten used to them not being around all the time, and honestly I really do enjoy my alone time.

I don’t know if it’s a parent thing or if it’s just a dad thing, it’s a peaceful calm feeling. My little girls are home and all is right with the world

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The other day I was getting a deep-tissue massage and my therapist was digging in to the muscles and there was pain, lots of it. I know that I must relax and allow the therapist to do their work. Lately I’ve had a lot of deep tissue work and know that once the therapist finds some tension, If I just let go there is hardly any pain and we can advance quickly.

I was doing my best, but he was finding the spots too quickly! He wasn’t really giving me time to relax the muscle fully, so there was some pain. That’s when something told me to go higher level than the muscles, to go tell my mind to yield all resistance.

That was it! When I got to the mindset of yielding to all resistance, the therapist was able to get to all the muscles and there was no pain.

So that got me thinking…what if you gave in to ALL resistance? What if resistance is what brings heartache and suffering in life?

What if you really opened up and let God’s will manifest in your life? I’m not trying to be all religious here-(insert your favorite deity in that place-(the Universe, or the Great Spirit, Buddha, the Great Pumpkin or whatever you else you like.

What if your resistance is prolonging your misery? What if it’s all planned out and your stupid ass is delaying progress?

In my life, the important changes were initially never welcomed. The biggest changes came with some sort of a loss-loss of employment, loss of relationship, or even the loss of a person (like a death)

While I never took some losses well, they have shaped me into who I’ve become. Maybe its my resistance that caused all this collateral damage.

Maybe next time I will bend rather than break.

Live Long and Prosper.

-Danny

If you didn’t already know, Ted Lasso is a comedy series on AppleTV+. The premise is that a football coach from the US is hired by a British Premier football league (soccer) team to coach. Despite having no soccer experience he put in charge of AFC Richmond, a mediocre team in London.

1. Be a goldfish

“Do you know what the happiest animal in the world is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.” - Ted Lasso

One of the most memorable lines from Ted Lasso is when he tells his player Sam to be a goldfish after he makes a mistake on the field. What he means by that is to forget about the past and focus on the present. Don’t dwell on your failures or regrets, but learn from them and move on.

2. Be nice to people.

Be nice to people, even try to get to know what going on with them. Ted made a point to ask the groundskeeper what his name was and Nate said “no one ever asks my name” Turns out Nate had a lot to offer the team, and was promoted to be a coach.

3. Don’t “settle” for someone in a relationship

“You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by f—ing lightning.” - Roy Kent

One of the most romantic moments in Ted Lasso is when Roy Kent tells Rebecca Welton that she deserves someone who makes her feel like she’s been struck by lightning. He says this after she goes on a date with a guy who is just “fine”.

This is a beautiful lesson for all of us, especially in our relationships. We deserve someone who makes us feel alive, who sparks joy in us, who loves us for who we are. We deserve someone who is not just fine, but amazing.

4. Everyone deserves a second chance

I believe in hope. I believe in believe.” - Ted Lasso

One of the core values that Ted Lasso lives by is his belief in hope and believe. He believes that people can change for the better, that mistakes can be corrected, that wounds can be healed, and that bridges can be rebuilt. He believes that everyone deserves a second chance, no matter how bad they’ve messed up.

We’ve seen this belief in action throughout the show, as Ted gives second chances to people who have wronged him or others. He gives a second chance to Rebecca Welton, the owner of AFC Richmond, who hired him with the intention of sabotaging the team and ruining her ex-husband’s legacy. He gives a second chance to Jamie Tartt, the star player who was selfish, arrogant, and disrespectful to his teammates and coaches. He gives a second chance to Rupert Mannion, Rebecca’s ex-husband who cheated on her and tried to ruin her life.

In each case, Ted shows kindness, compassion, and forgiveness to these people, even when they don’t deserve it or expect it. He sees the good in them, even when they don’t see it themselves. He helps them grow as individuals, even when they resist or reject his help. He inspires them to be better versions of themselves, even when they fall short or relapse.

5. Sometimes you have to let go and move on

Like when Ted realized his marriage was over. At some point you have to realize when it’s better to just pack up and move on.

6. Sometimes you will be the only person around that can help.

Sometimes a person may need help and you will be the only person that can connect and reach this person. You should not walk away,

For instance- in season 2, McAdoo was in a slump, Rob Kent took him to his old neighborhood and told him to enjoy the game like Roy did when he was a kid.

Or when Trent Crimm, provided support for Colin when he was struggling to come out as gay.

Your experiences and background will make you the only possible person to help someone at some point, You should always try to help.

What can we learn from Ted Lasso?

Ted Lasso is not a saint or a superhero. He’s a human being who has his own flaws and struggles. He’s not perfect or infallible. He makes mistakes and regrets them. He has doubts and fears. He has pain and trauma.

But what makes Ted Lasso special is his ability to overcome his challenges with grace and optimism. His ability to see the best in people and situations. His ability to spread joy and hope wherever he goes.

Ted Lasso teaches us that everyone deserves a second chance, including ourselves. That we shouldn’t judge people by their worst moments, but by their potential for growth. That we shouldn’t give up on people who have hurt us or disappointed us, but try to understand them and help them.

Ted Lasso teaches us that kindness is not weakness, but strength. That forgiveness is not foolishness, but wisdom. That love is not naive, but powerful.

Ted Lasso teaches us that we can be better people, if we believe in ourselves and each other.

And as Ted Lasso would say, “Have a great day!”

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When I was a kid I was a bit of a bookworm. My parents bought us the World Book Encyclopedia and it came with a set for kids called “Childcraft”

I devoured those books-I pretty much read everything in the Childcraft series and when I was done with that, I would take one volume-Like “A” to my room and read. (this is why I’m good at team trivia)

The children’s books had a lot of color pics and I would love to just read and I would fantasize about visiting strange lands and countries.

There was a particular photo of a giant Buddha statue that I always looked at and I remember thinking “I’m gonna see that in person someday”

Since then, I’ve sort of developed an affinity for Buddha statues and collected them until a wife told me that we couldn’t have those figures in a Christian home.

Fast forward to 2019 when my daughter Audrey and I took a trip to Japan. She had always wanted to go and I had a bunch of SkyMiles burning a hole in my wallet, so we booked a trip.

We had a great time, but we mostly stayed close to Tokyo. As our vacation was winding down- I suggested we check out some nearby towns and maybe go out to the countryside. I think the people at the hotel suggested we go to Kamakura. We made plans and booked the train for the next day.

We took the train, it was a nice trip we had to walk up a hill because there were some temples or something that we should not forget to see.

Walked up the hill and imagine my surprise when I saw the Buddha.

IT WAS THE SAME BUDDHA THAT WAS IN MY BOOK!

I started crying and was just in shock that this happened, while Audrey just looked at me like “what the hell is his problem?”

the grand buddha at kamakura

So I manifested that some forty-something years later. Next time I’m manifesting, It won’t take me as long, promise.

Oh, and I’m slowly building up my Buddha statue collection again.

I don’t mind being alone. I think when I’m by myself I’m pretty good company.

In fact, one of the best trips I’ve taken was a solo trip to Barcelona. I had found a deal and was ready to pull the trigger but everyone was wishy-washy about going, so I said “f-it, I’m going!”

I saw what I wanted to see, ate when I wanted to eat, (and what I wanted to eat), got up when I wanted with no one saying:

”you came all this way out here and now you’re sleeping in?”

I felt like George Costanza (Seinfeld reference) sitting in his apartment in his underwear biting into a hunk of cheese!

I have been married twice and in several long-term relationships, but lived as a single guy for over 10 years. I’ve had my daughters living with me on and off throughout the years. But I relish the level of autonomy I have in my life. I resented being a “fixer upper” in some relationships. I don’t really want to change. I’m perfectly happy with myself the way I am.

I’ve been on the dating apps, been fixed up by friends, all that to lukewarm results.

In fact, at one time a friend of mine and I would compare how many times we had swiped left on the apps and we sat around talking about dating horror stories.

So one Friday night I half-heartedly answered a chat and agreed to meet someone on a date. She told me she was going out with friends and I could just meet her out.

Perfect! This meant that if it was not a good date, I could ditch with not much effort.

We hit it off immediately. There was chemistry-lots of it. (or was it the drinks?)

I didn’t want to seem too eager for our next date, but we enjoyed each other’s company. Pretty soon we were planning a trip together. This was a test to see if we could travel well together.

She passed and apparently so did I.

I’m now in a situation that I don’t feel judged for what I say, what I think, my off-color jokes, my nerdiness, my wanderlust…

It seems strange to me.

So now I’m in a place where I’m accepted for all my eccentricities and weirdnesses and I don’t have to censor or “tone it down”.

My daughters and friends have said that she’s “not my type”-maybe that’s exactly the point.

She’s also on team Danny. I feel she can sense my needs and helps without being asked. (not that I ever ask for help)

She has been able to connect with my daughters, one of them struggles with mental health issues. It has made such a difference for her. She now has someone she can confide in.

Best of all, I’m having a great time! She manages to turn a mundane Wednesday night into an exciting Friday night. We could be out doing something exciting or just sitting around doing nothing at all.

My life was great before, but now it’s…better.

I guess that’s the moral of the story. We were both in good places in our lives and we were kind of hesitant to be in a relationship.

Don’t expect someone to fill a void in your life and MAKE you happy…

Be happy and maybe you’ll find someone who makes your life better.

Hey Babe…I love you!

Want to see more pics of us? Follow me on Instagram or on X

One of my favorite quotes is:

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication” (Leonardo Da Vinci)

To me that means, that for anything to reach the level of art, it has to de distilled into it’s simplest form.

Picasso started painting in classical style, but as he refined his work, he went simpler and simpler.

I know when I’m being lied to by how complicated the excuse is.

Truth is simple.

I’ve been trying to apply this concept into my life:

Relationship complicated? end it.

Don’t want to do something? Don’t.

As long as you don’t try to control other people , (which you can’t do anyway) and have zero expectations, you’ll notice that your life starts changing.

and simplifying.

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When I was a kid, my mom and dad used to fight a lot. Sometimes I could hear them arguing after my bedtime.

I must’ve been 5 or 6 years old. I wake up and I’m not feeling well. Im gonna go tell my parents that Ifeel sick. I can hear them arguing, I don’t really know what they are fighting about this time, but it’s nothing new.

I walk into the living room where they are and tell them “I’m not feeling well”

They stop fighting and they spring into action!

Mom checks my temperature - I have a fever, dad goes to the pharmacy to get stuff for me (probably Bay Rum-i used to get a rubdown with that stuff to bring a fever down)

They act like they are concerned about me.

AND THEY STOPPED FIGHTING.

Shortly after that I developed asthma. I would wheeze and cough and coudn’t breathe.

For Most of my childhood I was the kid that couldn’t exert himself, or I would go into a full-blown asthma attack.

I got all sorts of medications, but mostly a strong cough syrup with codeine. I guess it was pretty strong too, because I developed high blood pressure as a kid.

Being a kid with asthma sucked, when I would exert myself too much, I would start wheezing and couldn’t breathe. After a while, I got kind of used to it. I spent a lot of time reading . I read the entire World Book Encyclopedia for God’s sake!

I tried to be a normal kid- but whenever we played games at school, I was always picked last (or close to it.) I guess I never developed any sort of athletic ability.

That was practically my life for most of grade school.

When I made it to junior high, there was a coach in my school that used to train athletes in the evenings. He asked me if I would be willing to go run at the big track in Colón, but I didn’t want to do it.

Fast forward a few years and I moved to the States. I’m in 9th grade and in PE class.

This new coach says: “Today we are going to run a few times around the school.” Immediately I raise my hand and say “I can’t run because of MY ASTHMA!”

He took me aside and said: “Son, you are going to try. You are going to do your best”

I felt like I didnt have a choice so I tried.

And I did it!

And I did it the next day too!

At fifteen, I was just 135 pounds and was six feet two inches tall. All arms and legs. I realized my long legs made me pretty fast for short distances.

Hmm. Where was my asthma? No matter, I tried out for a few sports and enjoyed playing. This coach actually gave me a trophy for “most improved.”

My self-confidence was improving.

The doctors said I outgrew my asthma or the change in climate helped.

Many years later as I am very interested in personal growth, this therapy session brought this realization to me:

I had created my asthma to prevent my parents from fighting!

Whaaat? That’s crazy! Maybe it is.

My subconscious had tried to fix a situation in the best way a 6 year old subconscious knows how.

It affected my whole life.

Now in practice many years later, I am constantly reminding clients not to use negative self talk, to see themselves as vibrant healthy people.

Our body is a representation of our subconscious.

Have the healthiest subconscious mind you can possibly have.

Peace.

-Dan

Somewhere along the line it wasn’t cool to get super excited about anything anymore.

I didn’t get an official memo-but around 6th grade the “cool kids” developed this aloofness, this attitude that getting overly excited about an activity “Was not cool”

Anyone that knew me back in grade school knows that I was not one of the cool kids, but I still emulated their behavior. I started to roll my eyes at school pep rallies, thinking that getting fired up was beneath me or something.

Here’s the interesting thing: this attitude continued into my adult life.

I never showed too much enthusiasm: just enough to get through whatever activity I was doing.

Whether I was at a football game, or even at parties-I felt I had to “Curb my Enthusiasm”.

This robbed me of the opportunity to fully enjoy my kids and play with my girls when they were little. I felt like I had to act like a grown-up.

Truth is, I’ve never felt like a grown-up even at almost 60 years old.

All I’ve accomplished is to tamp down the joy in my life.

So now I’m at a fantastic motivational seminar, and they are asking me to turn up the volume on my joy and actually get excited and I found out that I was having trouble letting go.

We are being trained to go in and out of different emotional states in seconds, so you can master your emotions instead of them mastering you.

I realized that attitude of being “too cool for school” was not really serving me so I changed it. It’s gone.

I’m looking around and there’s a guy in front of me here with his wife. She obviously wants to be here. He doesn’t look thrilled.

He’s not participating.

He thinks this is stupid.

He isn’t going to get much out of this seminar.

Maybe he doesn’t really play with HIS kids

God, it took me so long to change.

Maybe I can make it up to my girls if I can play with my grandkids (when I have them.)

Love ❤️,

-Dan

Http://tonyrobbins.com

Tito was not really my uncle, he was one of my mom’s flamboyant friends, back from her former life as part of an Argentine dance troupe.

The dance troupe was touring Latin America and went bankrupt in Panama. It left the performers stranded.

I guess in those days, something like this could be life-altering. If it happened now, you’d just FaceTime someone to send you money and it wouldn’t have been a big deal.

Anyways, If you couldn’t call home, and you didnt have any money, you were stuck.

So my mom and Uncle Tito and a bunch of others got stuck in Panama.

Uncle Tito was a flamboyant, chain smoker. He sort of looked like a sad Argentine Mick Jagger. Tito always wore an ascot, even though we were in Colon, Panama, where it’s hotter and more humid than the devil’s armpit.

He would come over and have coffee with mom. They would sit around, smoke cigarettes and talk for hours about the “good old days”

Whenever Uncle Tito would come over my dad would get visibly upset and say stuff to my mom and then storm off. I didn’t know what homophobic meant back then.

Mom had a lot of LGBT friends from being a performer and all that. I suppose 60 years ago that field would be one of the few places where alternative lifestyles were openly accepted.

I never knew how he supported himself, but I remember my mom telling me that sometimes he “dressed up like a girl.” Maybe he did drag shows to support himself.

I remember we went to visit him in the hospital once. Looking back, I think maybe he was attacked physically for who he was.

Many years later, I asked my mom about him and she said that Uncle Tito died in a train accident. I never knew much about his story, but I got the feeling that he really never had experienced happiness.

And now he never would.

I wish I had asked her to tell me all her stories about her life, all the stories of all those aunts and uncles from the performance world.

Today some clients and I were talking and they asked me about my recent seminar where I attended the “Unleash The Power Within” seminar with Tony Robbins. I explained that the firewalk I performed was not the highlight of the seminar, It was all the junk I got rid of mentally. We talked some more and then someone said something a little derogatory about Scientology.

I said, “wait a second, Scientology changed my life!”

It’s true. Some of the things I learned through Dianetics and Scientology were catalysts in me changing my entire life around.

It started one evening in Coral Gables, FL when I was walking down the street going to meet someone for dinner. I was stopped by a lady holding a clipboard outside of a 50’s-looking building.

“Would you like to take personality test?”

I asked: “What’s that?”

She explained and since I’m always early to things, I had plenty of time to kill. I said: “Sure! let’s do it!”

I took the test and the results seemed spot on. Then they asked if I would like to learn more about the mind , I could sign up for a course for a modest amount and I was genuinely curious about the whole deal and I agreed.

The Class

I came back like a week later to start the class. I’m remembering that building had a distinct smell. It wasn’t bad. I can’t really describe it, but if I ever smell something similar, I’d recognize it instantly.

I walked in and they took me to a big room, a classroom with lots of tables and chairs. Every table had a small box with objects in it. There were people reading, there were people in groups studying, lots of chatter.

It seemed exciting!

I don’t remember if it was my first lesson or not, but we had to do TR’s (Training Routines) and I was asked to sit across from some guy and just stare at him. Look him in the eyes and not laugh, not blink excessively, just keep your composure.

Bah! Stupid! But I can do this!

We started the exercise and it seemed silly at first, but then my heart started racing and started freaking out. It felt like I was in a tunnel, but somehow his eyes were attacking me.

Then all of a sudden I’m hovering 8 feet above myself and I’m looking at the situation from above.

Next thing I know, I’m back in my body and the exercise is over.

The teacher, or facilitator came by to ask me how everything went. I started to tell her exactly what happened and she was writing very matter-of-fact-ly.

“And then I left my body!,” I emphasized.

“So you exteriorized?” She asked.

“I guess.”, I mumbled.

What really made me curious is these people are just nonchalantly just writing down stuff like it’s no big deal.

They got me. I was hooked.

Auditing

I started doing some courses whenever I had some free time: maybe once or twice a week. I learned that there is something that they call the “reactive mind” and that past traumas can affect someone in the present time.

We did this exercise that when my “Auditor” would snap her fingers, I would repeat the first word that popped into my mind, until we got a string of words. I would the repeat this string of words until they “lost their charge” and had no effect.

During one of these sessions, I

felt like I was choking.

No, not choking !

I could taste salt water!

I was drowning!

This shook me up because I had no recollection of almost drowning like that.

I asked my mother if I ever almost drowned and I was surprised by her answer.

She said; “Yes. We were at the beach-you were a baby and in the water with your father. A wave got both of you and your dad had to throw you towards me like a football, because he couldn’t fight the riptide.”

Wow.

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Study Tech

before you start the “heavy” course, you must learn how to study. So they have designed a way to teach people “How.”

I thought, “wow, no one ever really taught me how to study.”

In high school, I kind of just skated by, with no need to ever read or do much. I didn’t make valedictorian, but I was discovering my social life and that was top priority for me at the time.

They showed me if you read something and can’t remember what you just read, t means you read past a misunderstood word. You never skip a word you don’t understand. There are always dictionaries at every study table.

If you get woozy and want to bail on the material being studied, then you have skipped a gradient, so you should go back to a point you understand and work back up.

If you get a headache while, studying, that means you have a “lack of mass” and the topic is abstract and you need to make it more physical to be able to understand it.

That is why they had those baskets with modeling clay and stuff in it, so you could model out concepts.

I still use this knowledge.

Basic Study Manual

The Purification Program

At some point one of the coaches pointed out that if I wanted to make quicker progress, I should do The Purification Program. The Program is designed to get rid of environmental toxins and medications and other materials that are stuck in your physical body and is interfering with your progress “up the bridge”

So of course, I am fascinated by this idea and sign up for the course, This time, it;s a lot of books and it’s going to cost be some serious cash. I didn’t have that kind of money, because I was scraping by on an assistant manager at Wendy’s salary.

No worries, take out a new credit card to pay for it. And one of the members drove out to my work to get the signature (and $$) to pay for the course. I think It was the end of the month and they got a bonus if I signed up before then.

The Program

The program basically consists of sitting in a sauna for 5 hours a day, Taking supplements: cal-mag, megadoses of niacin, and oils

It was perfectly organized: we were taken to a different part of the building to an area with a eucalyptus smell. We were shown the sauna-it was a large sauna , It could hold like 10 people.

We were given our supplements and then told to jog for few blocks around the building and then come into the sauna.

By the time you are done with the run, the niacin has kicked in and given you a nice “flush” skin is red and blood vessels have dilated. Now you’re ready for the sauna.

Everything done here is monitored. The guy supervising us was a Medical Doctor and he recorded weight going in and was always available supervising and answering any questions.

Five hours a day in a sauna is a LONG time- especially with someone like me who is not crazy about sweating constantly.

You were free to come in and out to prevent from getting overheated and get in the shower to cool off.

I brought reading material, I was doing this!

Reactions

X Ray Radiation

For the first couple of days, nothing significant happened except my skin started getting better.

One day as I am leaving the sauna to cool off, I take a look in the mirror and it looks like I’d been in a fight. Both my eyes had black rings like bruises around them.

I asked the attendant what this was and he looked at them and asked me if I had been exposed to many x-rays. I said that yes, I had been a sick kid and had tons of diagnostic procedures and medicines and stuff.

He said : “Ok, get back in there! You’re just running out x-ray radiation”

Came back out about 20 minutes later and the rings were gone.

Medications

I’m sitting in the sauna and I start getting sleepy. More like “anesthesia count down to ten sleepy”

Again, I was concerned, so I asked attendant what the deal was and he said I was likely detoxing from medicines and drugs I’d taken.

Went back in until it cleared up.

Chlorine

One day there were about 5 of us in the sauna and all of a sudden a strong smell of chlorine started. It keeps getting worse until it was so bad it was burning our eyes. We all exited the sauna thinking there was some sort of chlorine spill or something like that.

The attendant asked: “Has any of you worked as a pool maintenance tech?”

We looked around and one guy raised his hand.

The attendant said “Ok! Everyone dismissed for today except for you!” as he pointed to the Pool Tech guy. “Get back in there!”

I was doing this in the mornings when I had the evening shifts at the restaurant and when I worked days, Id try to make it to the sauna in the evenings.

After about 3 weeks, everything started to taper off and I was done.

I was feeling great and there was something different about everything, I felt like I was more awake and aware. And my skin and complexion were fabulous!

Clear Body, Clear Mind

The Sea Org

At some point, the people in charge routed me to talk to someone one in the Sea Org.

It was a small glass office, like the one you are led into when you are buying a car. I was greeted by a man in an impressive looking uniform like Captain Steubing from the “Love Boat”.

He said they had been watching me and my progress and were impressed with my IQ score. He said I stood out among the other people and compared me to this woman we could see through the glass.

He basically ripped her to shreds in front of me, telling me how her life was in chaos and how she had created all of her chaos and that somehow I was different from her.

They basically offered me a job.

One catch:

I had to sign a contract for a “billion years” and I couldn’t be in debt.

Seeing I was already in debt from some of the previous courses, I didn’t qualify. Also a billion years seemed a bit long.

I thanked him and said I would consider it- I was pretty sure it was a solid no, but I didn’t want to tell him that. I was probably intimidated by the uniform.

Healing with Vitamins

This was not an official class or anything, but during my time there, I saw whenever someone was having issues with their body, they would consult with one of the counselors and they would look into a little book: “Earl Mindell’s Vitamin Bible” or see a chiropractor down the road who was apparently a Scientologist.

I used what little I learned and suggested home remedies to my Wendy’s employees and their families and developed a little side gig offering supplements to anyone willing to listen.

The Bottom Line

I know there is a lot of negative press and negativity in general about Scientology, but be clear about this: Scientology changed my life!

I’m not an active Scientologist, and don’t feel like I want to go back. But it definitely shaped me into the person that I am today.

If there is bias against the church in this article, it’s just the way that it’s run. Running an organization like an MLM encourages bad behavior.

I have moved countless times since those days, and the first piece of forwarded mail is usually from a Scientology Org.

I’m not sure I would have taken the steps to make a drastic change and decide to attend chiropractic school had it not been for my brief time in Scientology,

Love,

-Dan

He always had some outrageous story that he would tell us kids. Sometimes, If I looked at another adult while he was telling the story, they would roll their eyes like he might have been embellishing.

Well, I’m not a historian-so if you know some of the dates and additional facts send them my way!

Anyway, my favorite story of his starts out with him shooting a machine gun from a turret in front of the Palacio de las Garzas (Panama’s Presidential Palace.)

He was in front shooting into the presidential palace ,and everyone had fled.

He walked in to the presidential palace and put his feet up in the president’s chair and smoked a cigar.

While he was celebrating, his cohorts were busy divvying up who would be in charge, and what ministry they would be running. So by the time Uncle Tony was done celebrating, they had given all the “good” spots away. He protested and they made him the Governor of Colón province, that way he would be quiet and not stir anything else up.

I guess the moral of the story would be to wait before you celebrate, but I’m sure uncle Tony didn’t regret much of anything he did. Thats’s the type of person he was.

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